While at the beach one year, we were enjoying the cool breezes on the balcony. There were boats out on the water, umbrella flapping, and kites flying. We saw one kite fly up, up, up until it twirled wildly and started to sag and drift across the dunes and fall headlong onto the grassy sand. It was a pretty little pink kite, with some character on it, and two or three pink bows along the string for weight. It hung limply, it’s string caught on the wooden fencing that lines the dunes and walkways.
As we watched, a man approached the dunes, ready to follow the string to it’s floppy end. We waved at him to show him where it was, and watched as he hopped along the hot sand towards the kite. We saw too, the little girl in her hot pink suit rubbing her hand, and looking after her father. The story became clear. the brisk wind had been too much for her, and the little kite had pulled away from her grasp.
What makes this story stand out for me, is that it is an allegory about parenting. One of our important jobs is to provide opportunities for them to try new things, and to be there as a safety net. We have the benefit of experience and can either instruct in the best way to tackle a new challenge, or can anticipate problems before they arise.
The tough part for the parent is to take the time to do so. It is frustrating to sit by and watch as your child struggles with something. It is hard to see them try and fail. But doing so is essential in learning something new. We all know about the so- called learning curve, which is absolutely a real thing. So time is the part of the process that is toughest on adults. We are ready to move on to the next thing, and so stopping what we are doing, in order to let the child try to do it themselves is frustrating. Too often, we just keep on moving, and do the task for our child. That removes the chance to try.
The adult in my kite story had given her the chance to try. Typically, she wasn’t 100% successful, but I’m sure she took great pride in seeing her pretty kite up in the air. She’ll remember how the string felt as it tugged against her hands. Most importantly, she learned a lesson about that moment when it got away from her – she’ll ask for help next time she feels a situation getting out of her control. Hopefully, the parent will anchor the end, or show her some other trick, if he takes the time.
Time is the greatest gift we can give our kids. Whether it’s to teach, or just to love, our time becomes their greatest asset from which they can draw on experience and be reinforced in their successes.