My youngest daughter recently graduated. It was a happy event, in the University sports complex, which was attached to a large two story domed field house. This is where the graduates gathered and got organized before taking their walk into the ceremony. As the guests entered the building, we passed along an upper walkway, with large glass windows overlooking the assembling graduates. Like me, other parents and family stopped to see if they could find the student they knew. So as I stood, camera in hand, looking for my daughter, I was jostled by others pointing, waving, taking photos and exclaiming “Oh! Look, there he is!”

I had an overwhelming sense of deja-vous. I had a powerful sense of having come full circle, from standing at the maternity ward window, looking, smiling at all the babies in their bassinets, to now trying to catch my daughter’s eye as she prepared to make another important rite of passage.

It had all gone by in a flash. Twenty-one years, a life time, and no time at all. I was struck by the enormity of how many milestones she had achieved. This bright young woman had thrived as a baby, potty trained, learned to ride a bike, learned the alphabet, how to read, how to organize. She passed milestones in girl scouts, piano lessons, and learned to drive. She got her first period, got her first bra, and stopped getting taller. The braces came off, the glasses turned to contact lenses, and flats into heels. She got jobs, got A’s and internships. Now I was looking down at her in a black gown with honor cords around her neck.

The importance of all these milestones can’t be underscored enough because they are sources of real confidence, real sense of self. At each one, I was there giving guidance, explanations, insights, but she had done it on her own in the end. There are many times when I could have done something for her, but didn’t, knowing the achievement is the real source of pride. Each step was the building block for her next challenge.

Often I see parents who want to swoop in and “save” their child from struggle, or failure. That is the most parental of impulses, but it is one that robs our kids of their feelings of self – worth and actual achievement. We can’t teach them how to be successful without leaving them alone to figure it out on their own. Even failure is a vital lesson is teaching children how to get up and try again.

So as I stood there at the window on graduation day, I finally caught sight of her. She was with friends, and I saw a woman take her photograph. She was the mentor my daughter had worked for in the University Marketing Department. She wasn’t taking her photo because she loves her, nurtured her, or would do anything for her. She wasn’t me! She was taking the photo because my daughter had forged a relationship, worked hard, met expectations, and achieved success working for this woman. It had all happened without me. It was all her. It was the real milestone we were celebrating. It was a day to celebrate all the things I hadn’t done for her, thus paving the way for her to do it herself.

So no matter what the graduation speaker talked about, no matter what good wishes for the future were bestowed on the soon to be graduates by the University president, it occurred to me that the life I had set into motion was truly ready to go forward independently. I was full of pride for her, and ever thankful that chance had saved her from many hardships and pitfalls that might have held her back. I was thankful that I hadn’t held her back. I moved inside and took my seat. Did I mention this was on Sunday, Mother’s Day? What a wonderful gift.