Nutrition is one of life’s essentials. Every adult has eating patterns that have developed over a lifetime. As parents we judge ourselves and our children’s eating habits and try to form them in as healthy a manor as possible. Too often and unfortunately, nutrition and eating habits become separated and a lot of our emotional baggage becomes attached to our eating habits.

I’m from a Greek family, and if you don’t know any Greeks, or have never seen the movie “ My Big Fat Greek Wedding” I can summarize the way I was brought up. Food is Love. As simple as that, the way to take care of someone, the way to express your love is to give them delicious food. Sigh. It has been a battle to resist the natural instinct to serve vast quantities and variety of food for family and guests in particular. As my girls grew and brought friends home, I have amended my cooking habits, and while I still pride myself on being a good hostess, who has a well stocked kitchen, I am making a serious effort to select healthier foods.

The first decision about feeding your baby is to breast-feed or bottle-fed. I have to believe that both of those are good choices and I’m not going to come down on either side. But there’s something in that first choice that seems to be ingrained, we want the very, very best. Somewhere along the way that strictly nutritional choice becomes mangled up with external and internal judgments and expectations. It seems like the kitchen table becomes and arena for competition between parents. So what ever you feed your child, somebody is going to criticize you for your choice. As your child grows, the myriad of other food choices will continue to challenge you.

The most valuable advice I received was to view your child’s nutrition by week, not by day or meal. Over the course of a week, they will get adequate healthy food. Rather than fighting about the untouched vegetables or junk food, try to make your focus to build a healthy attitude about food. Develop the willingness to try new foods, the judgment about portion size, the realization that mealtime is about socializing, not just eating.

I’ve seen parents engage their child in a battle of wills over mealtime. This just reinforces in your child’s mind that they will have your full attention by NOT eating. Believe me, they are more hungry for your attention than for the most delicious food. Adults can turn the tide by not talking about food, just sitting and talking to the child without distractions, and eating healthily themselves thus modeling the desired behavior. Mealtime (ok, parenthood) is not for hypocrites! They notice exactly what and how you eat. If you are battling bad eating habits, now is a great time to reform your own habits. So if you view the week and see that there have been too many low quality meals, serve a plate of veggies for dinner that night! Radical! If you start before there is a problem, this variety of meals will be the norm, and your child will get plenty of good nutrition. Portion size is a similar challenge. I think following the same ideas discussed above will work for portions. We pass along many attitudes about food without realizing it. We reinforce the hierarchy of food when we say “no dessert unless you finish your dinner”. Well, that just reinforces that dessert is more valuable than the meal, since we must “pay” for the dessert by eating the less desirable meal first.

This generation has often been fed at a restaurant table. The limitless choices can be another challenge for parents. When our children were small, I would give a choice of three items. Regardless of the many options, I would limit the alternatives, because kids need limits as much as they need choice. At home, dinner was a single plate situation. Everyone ate what was offered that evening. There were no special requests, special meals etc. We allowed the options of omitting a sauce or something. As they grew, we also allowed them not to eat some part of the meal if it was a consistent non-favorite. It wasn’t substituted for another dish, you just had the option of filling up on the other sides etc. that day. When looking at it as a week of nutrition, not eating the peas, avocado, or chicken wings isn’t a big deal. As teens, they helped cook, (another social interaction) and were expected to help prep, serve, and clean up. Particularly when everyone in the home has a job outside the home, this type of team mentality is important. Meals are the perfect time to demonstrate that team spirit!

Lastly, and for an assortment of reasons, the idea that we eat when we are hungry, has been lost. We eat according to our emotions. Avoid using food as a reward or consolation prize. Teach your kids how to deal with their sad/ angry emotions. Food is a comfort for sure, but encouraging food as a way to counteract negative emotions is not healthy. This will segue into your discussions about drugs, alcohol etc. later on…
We carry juice and snacks everywhere. Offer them in the context of having a break, and fueling the day, not as a comfort when stuck in traffic, or to keep quiet while sitting in the shopping cart.
My girls were in elementary school when the Harry Potter books were released. They were just a year or two behind the curve of reading the series on their own. As a former reading teacher, I always encouraged all manner of enjoyment of books. I am also a fan of audiobooks. So I decided to introduce the “Harry Potter dinner”. I borrowed the books on CD, and we would devote one dinner ( we always ate dinner as a family) a week to Harry Potter. My girls say this is one of their finest memories. The excitement that we could hear another few chapters, discuss and speculate what would happen next, made mealtime a delight. We always sat and talked, but having a common book ( a book club essentially) to talk about let us bond in another way. We would form options, we would argue our case, and see who was right the next time. As a reading teacher, I subtly asked questions about characters, motivation etc. as we do in the classroom. Besides being a learning experience, we had the chance to all be excited about the same thing.

Eating dinner every night as a family has so many benefits. It was an anchor in the day. We could give and get full attention from each other. We taught good table manners, polite table discussion topics, waiting your turn and interjecting appropriately in conversation. It was also a break from the frenzy of homework, bills, pets etc. where we could feel like our contribution mattered. The girls grew to realize that their trials and victories were just as important as the parents’. How insightful to hear that Mom or Dad is being challenged at work, and how they resolved the situation. The older child could advise the younger about some situation at school. It made us a team. Mealtime was something to participate in for the emotional and social benefit. It had nothing to do with food.