If you want to make my toes curl, remind me about breastfeeding. For me, it was just a horrible experience. Without getting into the details, let me just calm all the pundits by reassuring you that we tried. I expected to do this. So I sat in the pediatrician’s office, one and a half weeks after delivery, tired, frazzled, feeling inadequate, helpless, like all my preparation was for nothing. Then the doctor walked in, and I burst into tears. He patiently listened and asked questions. Finally, he just said “Why aren’t you just giving her a bottle? You are no good to her if you are too tired and stressed to function.” I remember looking up at him, with tearful eyes, and blubbered something to the effect of “Really? Is that okay?”

He understood the notion of my expectations, and gave me permission to let go of something mothers are “supposed to do”. Baby formula sales are a $20 billion dollar business. Common sense can tell you that breast is best, but that there have been millions of formula – fed children who grew up beautifully and healthily. That is common sense too! We are fortunate to have an alternative. My daughter might have died or had some terrible complication of malnourishment otherwise! My pediatrician was the wisdom I needed to recognize the change I needed to make. His encouragement allowed me to not feel guilty about feeding my baby! In the end, I was giving my daughter the nourishment she needed to thrive.

Your pediatrician will be your best friend over the next 18 years. Find one whom you like and can relate to, not just a doctor who has impressive professional credentials. Many pediatricians are in a practice with other colleagues. See more than one of them. Doctors go on vacation, they move on, you want to have a good relationship with all of them. Its okay to have a favorite, but take the time to feel comfortable with all of them.

I think that the powers that be also came into play every time I called after hours, on the weekend etc. For some reason, my favorite doctor was the one on – call about 80% of the time. That was incredibly reassuring. After a while, we began to joke about it. That was even better, because I knew for sure that I wasn’t just another mommy, a blurry face in the sea of parents he talked to every day.

In the years that followed, we tackled routine and unexpected illnesses and mishaps. The day in December that my daughter decided to be Rudolph, and stick a red bead up her nose is particularly memorable. This anecdote underscores three important things: have someone you trust that you can leave your kids with when unexpected things happen; yes your well – behaved, reasonable child will do something dumb; and common sense rules the day.

So my four year old came to me smiling. “Look Mommy!, I’m Rudolf!” She’s beaming. There’s a red plastic bead in her nose. I calmly smile, and say basically, okay, let’s get that out of your nose. After five or so minutes the situation is rapidly declining. Nose blowing and tweezers create a rapidly declining situation where she is starting to tear up in a panicked attitude of “don’t touch me” alternating with “GET IT OUT”. Here’s a situation I can do something about. Luckily my sister in-law was over visiting, she stayed behind with daughter number two, and off to the pediatrician we went. I confess that this was the first time she had done anything like this. I wasn’t worried about her physically, but the thought that kept running through my head was “How could she have done such a silly thing?” The obvious answer of course is, because she was three years old! Parents confuse intelligence and maturity. Being smart does not mean your child will be any more mature than any of his or her playmates.

By this time, Rudolf is almost hysterical, crying. I choose to ignore her in favor of driving safely to the pediatrician. Her crying was a symptom, not the problem. Stay focused on the problem. So fast-forward fifteen minutes, the doctor walks in, calmly assesses the situation, and picks up a tissue. Common sense wins the day, all her crying had prepared that bead to slide right out with one gentle blow. If she had approached with a medical instrument, my daughter might have thrashed, or worse, inhaled the bead.

I think I must have blurted out “What were you thinking?” at some point. But you will learn just as I did, not to ask questions you already know the answer to. She wasn’t thinking; at least not like you or any other reasonable adult. That’s why they are children in our care. Their brains are physically incapable of processing some kinds of information. That’s why expecting them to reason like we do is ridiculous. You will do far better just saying yes, or no. Long explanations that make sense to you, are like a tidal wave to them. They need just a spoonful of an explanation, punctuated again with a firm yes or no as necessary.

You will be reduced to this childlike state too, in your pediatrician’s office. With any luck, he or she will know how to treat children and the parents. When I sat blubbering about breastfeeding, I didn’t need a tidal wave of explanations, scientific medical research or a dialogue of pros and cons of bottle feeding and formula. The doctor spoke to me simply and with empathy. He communicated just the information I needed to get past my hurdle. He knew we had the power to change the feeding routine, he gave me the courage to do it, and had the wisdom to approach me with a firm, authoritative manner. Strive to be all those things with your children.